Cream is a TV comedy following the fortunes of Jason Brown, a Stoke-on-Trent native talked into inheriting his father’s ice cream van business.


Jason is thrust into this situation following the death of his father (in an unfortunate autoerotic asphyxiation accident). He is equally helped and hindered by a variety of locals; a fellow vendor called Zoe who is a Doctor Who fanatic, his grandfather Bill who is the local wise man of the trade, an old flame of his called Dan and even the ever present ghost of his father Alan, a Robbie Williams lover, who voices Jason’s subconscious mind. Jason, unfortunately, does not like Robbie Williams.

Jason is a dour man who is less than keen to drive around in his father’s van, which is decked out with Robbie Williams paintwork and chimes. He makes a promise to Alan that he will try it and soon gets wrapped up in the competitive world of the ice cream vendor, helping Zoe to combat rival van owners trying to muscle in on his father’s old patches.

Jason returned to Stoke from a life in London, having fallen out with his father over his homosexuality a long time ago. When he starts to get back into the local scene, he finds that everyone knew his father and his new friend Zoe probably knew him better than he did. The local vendors have a complex system of territories, enmities and alliances, with his grandfather Bill at the centre on his trusty CB radio.

In the pilot episode, which is fully written and waiting to be produced, Zoe enlists Jason’s help to defeat two other vendors muscling in on his father’s old patches. Jason contends with one at his little brother’s school, forcing him to embarrass himself before his beloved Dan (neither man knows that the other is out of the closet, yet). Zoe takes on her nemesis Derek at the local nature reserve, who rats her out to the council for having a pet parrot (called Rose) in her van; she is forced to release the bird to avoid a fine. Jason helps her regain the parrot in a rare display of chivalry, but the price is a fierce pecking from a goose.

Aside from the complete pilot “Vanilla”, I have outlines for five more episodes making a standard UK six-strong series.