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The Saga of Sweetangel – Part 7

Hiyaa!

Enjoy a bit more Sweetangel while I languish on mobile broadband!

 

It did her no good in the end,

For Turtle was quite upset by her lies,

And kicked the blunderkiss from her hand.

“What have you done with my sister?”

“Is Sweetangel not to blame after all?”

Poor Turtle needed to understand.

 

“Don’t be a fool!” said Mrs Pearl,

“There is no such creature as Sweetangel,”

“It’s a tale made to cover the truth,”

“Folks go missing in Saltpetre,”

“Good people are preyed upon most of all,”

“But the rest find it all too uncouth.”

 

“Sweetangel took my friend,” they say,

“It spirited away by poor brother,”

“But the fact is that people just go.”

“That’s just the hunger of cities,”

“That’s the treachery in the hearts of men,”

“Fear each other, not Sweetangel, no.”

 

“Answer her question,” said Longthorn,

“If people are to blame for our lost ones,”

“Then at least our wrath has a target.”

He checked on Poulter as he spoke,

Amazed to find that his partner yet lived,

Just one breath away from a casket.

 

“We see many urchins,” said Pearl,

“The electrum quarter is full of them,”

“With no one to notice them missing.”

“A man gives me ten pounds for each,”

“That I rescue from begging and starving,”

“And deliver to him for digging.”

 

“Digging?” asked Longthorn, quite relieved,

As some cases had much fouler endings,

That might have broken young Turtle’s heart.

“In the lodeshell mines,” Pearl confessed,

“The little ones are best for small spaces,”

“Cross Alley is the place you should start.”

 

[sociable]

Our Daily Beard – 22/02/13

Galvatrooooooooooooon!

Well today I felt like following on from the vague techno theme of yesterday, by relaying the technical requirements of the new Tomb Raider on PC.

But because that’s rubbish and boring, first you get the unofficial history of the franchise! Exciting!

 

Tomb Raider was invented by a British cartilage engineer called Tom Braider, who wanted to play a game ‘rife with mystery and breasts’. Fuelled by grief and a system of pulleys he coded the first Tomb Raider back in 1985, the first game to feature a polygon. The polygon was initially banned after courting considerable controversy- John Major famously accused it of ‘intermittent provocative action’. Fortunately, thanks to lobbying by Tom Braider and a scary tramp he met in a supermarket, the polygon was released from the matrix and the game went back on sale, for £4.

A little fun trivia: The polygon in question was not Lara’s signature bosom, but in fact the animation of her smug grin, which was illegal on a single woman under 40 at the time.

Speaking of Lara Croft, the main character and brand marketing wet dream, she was modelled after a corpse he found in his larder one Christmas.

After the game was a surprise hit, Core came along and made about fifty more, each one with more realistic boobs and more angry scorpions and Indian gods and shit like that. Lara went around the world, glamorising the plundering of a) ancient historical sites and b) graves* for the personal profit of an eccentric, wealthy white landowner.

*Tomb. Raider. That’s what she does. Imagine a game with the same title, but about a bloke with a shovel and a cemetery. Not nice!

Sometimes the tombs were so elaborate and required so much running and jumping and lever pulling that one could only surmise that the ancient priests were in fact all incredibly athletic and lithe, equating gymnastic prowess with piety.

Then they did some really bad ones that all felt too different, so now instead of that there’s going to be a reboot.

With added DARKNESS, because.

Actually, it looks good so far- a more realistic and intimate story of a woman trapped in a dangerous jungle fending for herself, with some nice set pieces and a less game-ey point of view. I hope.

 

Polygon troubles

Thanks to Kotaku- clicky for their article!

 

So, the stats:

Enhanced features include: full integration with Steamworks, increased detail tessellation, improved SSAO and post-filter effects, and very high resolution textures, shadows and cloths. I like a good cloth.

Additionally, for PCs that are capable, the game will support AMD HD3D and AMD Eyefinity technologies, the latter of which allows up to six simultaneous displays off a single graphics card. Why, I don’t know.

The game’s enhanced features on the PC version include:

–          Full integration with Steamworks to offer cloud storage for saves, multiplayer matchmaking, achievements, as well as automatic updates and new content. Like all the other Steam games.

–          Support for Steam Big Picture Mode. Why didn’t you just buy it on console?

–          Configurable mouse and keyboard support. I should bloody hope so!

–          Gamepad support. See second point.

–          High-end graphics. Ah, that’s why you didn’t buy it on console.

–          Very high resolution textures with up to 16x the amount of data. That’s a lot of times.

–          Detail Tessellation to enhance the detail on many surfaces in the game. Cloth.

–          Higher quality shadows. For the DARKNESS.

–          High quality bokeh depth of field with near-blur. What?

–          Tessellation algorithms used to smooth out geometry. Okay, fair play- no more square trees.

–          Improved cloth, SSAO, quality wetness effects, and post-filter effects. Lol, still laughing at cloth.

–          LOD quality is adjustable for better quality on higher-end machines. Cheers.

–          Options for lower range machines. Actually, yes, cheers! That’s ace.

 

The full list of PC minimum and recommended system requirements is listed below:

–          Windows XP Service Pack 3, Windows Vista,7,8 (32bit/64bit)

–          DirectX 9 graphics card with 512Mb Video RAM: AMD Radeon HD 2600 XT, nVidia 8600.

–          Dual core CPU: AMD Athlon64 X2 2.1 Ghz (4050+), Intel Core2 Duo 1.86 Ghz (E6300).

–          1GB Memory (2GB on Vista)

Recommended system requirements for PC:

–          Windows Vista, Windows 7 or Windows 8

–          DirectX 11 graphics card with 1GB Video RAM: AMD Radeon HD 4870, nVidia GTX 480.

–          Quad core CPU: AMD Phenom II X2 565, Intel Core i5-750.

–          4GB Memory

 

Not all that demanding- with scaleable graphics I foresee this game being accessible to those who have barely upgraded since the last one, whatever that was.

Don’t take my word for it- here are the words of some people:

While extricating himself from a barrel, Darrell Gallagher, Studio Head of Crystal Dynamics commented: “With over a decade of experience working alongside AMD and Nixxes at Crystal Dynamics alone, we had rock solid partners on board to create a superb Tomb Raider experience for PC gamers around the world. At Crystal we approach each of our projects with the sole intention of creating the best possible consumer experience for that format, and we are proud to have worked alongside two great partners who hold the very same values.”

Rock solid, eh? Too much Tomb Raider will do that.

“AMD Graphics and Crystal Dynamics have partnered to capture the realism of one of video gaming’s most iconic characters, Lara Croft of the Tomb Raider franchise,” said Matt Skynner, corporate vice president and general manager of AMD Graphics, in the bath. “By leveraging the power of AMD Radeon™ and Graphics Core Next, Lara and her environment have come to life like never before.”

Well, just look at the cloth if you don’t believe Matt.

 

Go on, then! I’m not asking!

Official Homepage: www.TOMBRAIDER.com

Official Twitter: @TOMBRAIDER

Official Facebook page: http://facebook.com/TOMBRAIDER

Official Tumblr: http://officialTOMBRAIDERblog.tumblr.com/

Official YouTube Channel: http://youtube.com/TOMBRAIDER
[sociable]

Our Daily Beard – 21/02/13

Well, well, the PS4.

The fact that I’ve left it until this time of night displays my lack of enthusiasm!

So, what will it do? SUMMARIS’D!

 

  • Single APU chip with an ‘enhanced PC GPU’ and 8-core(mmm) CPU, 32 bit for some reason. As usual it’s vague info for a console but it’s certainly in the next-gen range.
  • 8GB of GDDR5 RAM, which sounds low- it’s unclear if that’s just the video card, or for everything. Mind you, consoles don’t have to multitask much so the speed factor (GDDR5) is the main boon. Local hard drive size is unknown as yet.
  • Blu-ray obviously and USB 3.0 (2.0 would just be too embarrassing in 2013).
  • Funky Dual Shock 4 control pad still very much in their established style. The addition of a touchpad could be very handy especially for menu navigation.
  • 3D Stereo Camera That Isn’t A Kinect At All Honest. Actually, this will be able to track the controller by a ‘light bar’ on the pad. That sounds great, so (pending a future update about what new things they plan to do with them) you can hopefully chuck away your weird Playstation Move dick-wands.
  • Fancy social interface with clip recording and live game feed sharing– because these days gamers have friends. I don’t approve.
  • An interesting cloud gaming reinforcement to the Network, with demo games and so on.
  • Suspend and resume power buttons for when you’re miles away from a save point but have to go to work or go to bed or mop up your urine. Background downloading is part of this- yay, instant ways to spend, spend, spend!
  • The PS4 will learn your likes and dislikes and pre-download things it thinks you’ll like. Yay, a ‘service’ (that isn’t big brother market research at all), that makes it so much easier to spend, spend, spend!
  • More interestingly, potential for shared functionality between the PS4, tablets, phones and the Vita. Who needs the Wii U?
  • Oh yeah, no backwards compatibility. Fail. Maybe there will be some ports to the Network, if you fancy buying your games again.

 

So far, only a few games have been revealed. The flagship must be Killzone, of course. In further summary:

It’s a snazzy looking console (figuratively, no shots yet!). However, there is a very thin line between finding innovative ways to play (camera tracking a-la Kinect, handheld/console hybrid games) and gimmicks that clutter your life with shiny black toys.

 

Not-A-Surprise-At-All-Verdict: Wait and see.

 
[sociable]