Up All Night

Up All Night

Just a ‘news’ story that crossed my inbox.


New research by some really important scientists has revealed the top 20 things that keep Brits awake at night. The research, commissioned by Dunelm (lol) studied 2,000 adults and found that nine in ten are plagued with sleepless nights. Maybe they’re nocturnal?

The list is what you’d expect, really. Money problems, snoring partners, aching backs, the dog that barks in the night-time and annoying bratspawn.

A spokesperson for homeware and bedding specialists Dunelm said:

“Often it seems a good amount of sleep is something we all want, but just can’t get. It’s important to treat our bed times with as much care as we do our waking life. This means winding down a good half hour before we want to sleep. Ensuring our bedroom environment is a calm and tidy place is also a must.”

And I imagine that under his or her breath they went on to add: “Spend spend spend spend spend! Mmmm comfy bed! Buy buy buy buy buy the bed.”

So anyway, I thought I’d share my top 10 reasons why I can’t sleep at night:

  1. Fear of Putin riding a missile, topless, into my house while infected with Ebola.
  2. Cephalopods.
  3. Cat standing on throat.
  4. Needing to finish thinking through a ‘brilliant’ story idea. It isn’t.
  5. All the horrible shit going on in the world, because Christ, what the actual fuck?
  6. There might be more Twilight movies one day.
  7. What do horses know that we don’t?
  8. Bobby Beale.
  9. Dark Souls.
  10. Sleep is boring.

What keeps you up at night? Oh, and did you see the eclipse? Because oddly enough, I missed it, but I dreamed about trying to block out the sun. Whaaa?

by Bret

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