Our Daily Beard – 15/02/13

Well, we woke up to startling news from Russia today.

Just as we’re due to have a near miss with asteroid 2012 DA14 (terrible name, I prefer to call it ‘Steve’), a meteor strikes in the Ural mountains! They are thought to be unrelated- but it does give one the willies.

Over 950 are said to be injured (it varies, that’s the BBC’s figure). The exact spread of these injuries is unclear, but apparently sonic booms from the meteor shattered glass windows in cities under its trajectory.

The footage is amazing. It’s exactly the kind of thing that gets seen on the TV in the background, at the start of a disaster/alien invasion movie, disregarded by the protagonists until it’s too late. I would have been terrified to see it, wondering if it were a missile shaped pressie from North Korea.

Adele tried to warn us!

So: here’s a poem inspired by the meteor.


Sorry Russia- please accept my apology!

I’m not too familiar with Earth’s geography.

I was on a bit of a mission, as it happens,

But I didn’t mean to hit the Ural mountains.

Sorry about that big sonic boom,

I was trying to tell him: here comes your doom!

You know who I mean, I bet you don’t like him either,

The talentless, all-American, floppy haired geezer.

A broadcast from your planet just reached my system,

I believe it was a movie called ‘Armageddon’.

I was outraged by this man Michael Bay,

And the anti-asteroid propaganda he chose to portray!

He paints us as villains, out only to destroy,

Not as peaceful wanderers, rolling stones of the void.

Well I came to smash his smug face into jam,

But I got mixed up and flew over Kazakhstan.

So sorry again about the mess and dismay,

Don’t suppose you could roll me to L.A.?



by Bret

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